What really happened in the latest CBA meeting
*This is fiction
What you are about to read, is a legit report of what happened in the latest CBA meeting. This comes from a trusty source I have never used before. Take it for what it is.
Stern: Hi guys, glad you could come today. We all know how hard it is for us to find some spare time to do these dumb meetings.
Fisher: You’re telling me! Can you actually believe that people expected me to miss Metta World Peace’s debut in Dancing with the Stars because the NBA is in a lockout? Good grief.
Hunter: What are we doing for lunch today? I vote Chinese since Silver picked pizza last time.
Fisher: There’s a takeout place I know of that could probably deliver here.
Silver: Why can’t we have pizza? Chinese food disgusts me.
Hunter: Because you picked last time that why, it’s my turn, back me up Fish.
Fisher: It’s true Silver, you picked last, let Billy choose.
Silver: *mumbles under breath* I only got two pieces last time…
Hunter: Well I want two orders of-
*interrupted by Stern*
Stern: We’re getting pizza.
Hunter: Uhhh why do you get to choose.
Stern: Because I’m King David, that’s why.
Fisher: Oh my…
Hunter: Ok can we get Ham and Pineapple then?
Stern: We are getting cheese.
Fisher: Why can’t we compromise? Half ham and pineapple, half cheese
Stern: You’re kidding right? I don’t compromise Derek…
Silver: *whispers softly* David, can I get more than 2 pieces this time?
Stern: Yes Adam, me and you get it all.
Hunter: You’re a Jackass.
Stern: Billy, I told you already, please call me King David.
Fisher: *Sarcastically* I thought LeBron was the King.
Stern: DO NOT TALK WITH SUCH DISRESPECT ABOUT LEBRON.
Super awkward silence in which Billy Hunter stares at his feet, Derek Fisher draws pretend hearts on the table with his finger and Adam Silver engages in a pretend phone call while holding his cell phone upside down
(35 minutes later)
*Knocks at door*
Fisher: Who is-
*interrupted by Stern, again*
Stern: COME IN.
*JR Smiths enters the room*
Fisher: What the hell are you doing here?!
Smith: *lifts up box* Pizza?
Stern: Set it on the table…. Oh and good luck in China.
*Fisher chuckles*
Smith: Thanks bro…its $20 guys
Stern: Billy pay him $30, I tip well.
Fisher: WTF, why does Billy have to pay?!
Smith: Hey its cool guys, don’t worry about it. I took this from some delivery boy anyway. *Leaves room*
Stern proceeds to open the pizza box and divide the slices among him and Adam. Billy and Adam engage in a staring contest, Fisher pulls out his phone and begins to text
Stern: What do you think you’re doing Derek?
Fisher: I’m texting Ken Berger, how u?
Stern: Derek, please put that phone away, or else…
Fisher: Or what David, OR WHAT?
Stern: Or I won’t set up the Dwight Howard to the Lakers for Andrew Bynum trade.
Fisher: *puts phone in pocket* Just messing David…calm down…
Hunter: Ok let’s settle this CBA thing.
Silver: And how are we going to do that?” *Looks over at Stern for reassurance after his first bold statement, Stern nods in approval*
Tim Donaghy emerges from from the window curtain
Donaghy: Well we could play poker or something…
Stern: Tim. Please leave, we can’t be friends anymore.
Hunter: Are we going to talk about this or not.
Stern: We have a deal proposed already Billy, it’s a matter of you accepting it.
Hunter: You really think we are going to accept that deal? I’m sorry, but there is no way I can convince the fans and media to stop making fun of LeBron, it’s not possible.
Silver: THEN WE HAVE NO DEAL! *Pounds fists on table and looks at Stern once again*
Fisher: *Stands up* Sorry guys I got to go.
Stern: Where do you think you’re going Derek.
Hunter: I got him tickets to Jimmer’s All-Stars
Fisher: *Facepalms* *mumbles* You weren’t supposed to tell anyone Billy…
Silver: What’s a Jimmer?
After realizing their meeting had only been around an hour long, David Stern decides that they will take a “nap break” to pass the rest of the time. They leave a few hours later
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